A New Start

     I suppose I am starting my little story in the middle of my journey. I started back in January of this year. So far I have lost 8 lbs. It once was more, but I have to admit that all last month I was slacking. Usually, this is the point where I would give an excuse in hopes that it would in some way justify my efforts last month, but I am not going to. There isn't really an excuse. I messed up, and now it is time to get back on track. Like I said, I am now 8 lbs. down and sitting at 242 lbs. The goal is 150. It's a lot, but I am taking this 10 lbs. at a time. Anyhow, my weigh-ins are going to be on Mondays, and this week I am actually looking forward to my weigh-ins compared to last week when I manage to skip two of them.

     For anyone who has tried to lose weight you know how hard this stuff is. Not physically hard. The exercise doesn't hurt all that much. The feeling of not being completely stuffed after every single meal doesn't hurt. What is it then that makes weight loss hard? It seems to be all in our heads. All mental. There really hasn't been a week that has gone by since the beginning of my journey that I haven't had some sort of battle with myself when I feel like just giving up. It is all in my head. There is a voice that tells me I can always start over tomorrow. It tells me to go ahead and have that brownie or extra helping of spaghetti because I deserve it. So I do. Then afterwards I feel terrible! You would think that that little voice would go away and just let me be after tricking me into that brownie, but no, it doesn't go away. It tells me that I have already messed up. It tells me I am a failure and that I am no good. Why can't I stick to a diet? Why can't I just lose this weight? Then it tells me to go ahead and eat more. I already messed up by eating that brownie. Looks like I have to start over tomorrow. Then the rest of that day turns into a huge binge fest! Two brownies down. Three. Four. Leftover pizza? Sure why not. Ice cream? Go ahead. Doritos? Sure. But wait! I have to dump a bunch of cheese on those Doritos and pop it in the microwave. Who cares? I don't. That little head in my voice said I don't. So I don't.

But I do. I do care.

     Living like that caused me to hit 250 lbs. I hit 250 lbs. on December 30, 2009, and I was only 14. I was gaining about .5 of a pound every week. Who knows just where I would be in five years if I didn't stop. I'm thankful that I caught it before it really caught up to me. My plan is to get down to about 150 lbs. I have educated myself on how to lose weight the healthy way, and I am so glad to have that knowledge. As far as when I am going to reach my goal I don't know. I am hoping to be somewhere around my goal next summer. To reach my goal within that amount of time would mean I would have to lose about 1.7 lbs. a week. It isn't an unhealthy number, but I am fine with any loss.

So where is my mind now? Well, it is set on my goals. I am focused. I need to be. I want to be.

I am so ready! :D
Lots of love,
Jessica